- Just using "he" (can come off as sexist)
- Just using "she" (can come off as overcorrection)
- Alternating between "he" and "she" (potentially confusing)
- Using "He or she" (awkward)
- Using "They" (technically incorrect)
- Making up a new word (people probably won't know what you mean)
There simply isn't a good answer. Acknowledge that whatever choice you make, the other choices are equally valid, and someone who doesn't make the same choice as you isn't dumb or wrong or a jerk.
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14 comments:
I think we should permanently install s/he as our 3rd person gender neutral pronoun. Now, how can we pronounce it in a way that differentiates it from he or she? Z?
I pronounce it "shuh-he," but that probably makes people think I have a stutter.
Something like that could work in some countries. When a country has an official national language, they can actually pass legislation about stuff like this. People might not all use it right away, but many major publications will take that cue. It's never going to happen in the US.
Since I started tutoring, I judge people more harshly on using "they" incorrectly. Naturally, I do this silently; it's the Midwestern way.
"They" may be technically incorrect, but it is heading in the direction, usage-wise, of being our gender-neutral, third person pronoun. It seems the most likely candidate. Evolution of language and all that.
Kayjayoh
http://irvingplace.net
PS. I wish you had name/url as a comment option.
Singular "they" is not actually incorrect by any empirical standard -- native speakers of English use it all the time. (A linguist's take: http://languagelog.ldc.upenn.edu/nll/?p=2420#more-2420)
That said, can't disagree with the post as a whole. In general I think it's bad practice to infer too much about a person's character from single-instance word choices like this.
Maybe instead of "technically incorrect" I should say "considered incorrect by lots of educated people who are prescriptive about grammer." I think you're both right that "they" is going to be the ultimate winner. Currently I'm uncomfortable using it in writing because I know how some people will judge me for using it. I'd rather be considered sexist, awkward, or overcorrecting than uneducated.
I'm not saying this is right.
I think I have a solution for this blog, at least. I'm going to (for the most part, when I remember) use "he" in even numbered posts and "she" in odd numbered ones.
Ahh, but over-educated people will know you're not wrong. I confess I feel a hint of smugness when I see people call each other out on grammatical "errors" that are not actually ungrammatical. I'm not saying this is right, either. ;)
Sure. Here's the thing, though:
1. I don't always know what my audience will be.
2. Often the audience is heterogeneous, so I can't do the right thing for everyone anyway.
3. Many people won't call you on something if they think you're wrong; they'll just mark you down for it.
Ultimately, it often doesn't matter whether I'm right or not. What matters is whether the people I'm talking to or writing for think I'm right.
There are plenty of things I avoid in writing because there are two ways to do it: the way that's actually correct, or the way lots of folks do it. I don't want to do it the "wrong" way because I won't like it and other people like me won't, but I don't want to do it the "right" way because lots of people will think I've made a mistake.
If I were writing for a scientific journal or something else like that where the audience is easier to predict, I'd be more comfortable with things like this. But when I'm writing for Dane101 or this blog, I play it a bit safer.
Of course! Like I said, I'm hardly going to judge people for NOT using this construction. I won't live to see the day when nobody on the planet believes it's wrong. Do whatever feels natural to you.
Why don't you just avoid using pronouns? You can say "your partner" instead, or whatever term applies. The article's word count might be higher in the end, but it will be gender-neutral and grammatically correct. :)
When I can, I do. Sometimes it ends up being awkward. There are only so many times you can say "the person" in a given post before it becomes really weird.
See also: http://succeedateverything.blogspot.com/p/gender-roles-in-relationship-tips.html
Interestingly, this is how I feel about the options for a second person plural pronoun in English. I think that it's a damn shame that we put up with the same word - you - for both a single you and many you. There are a few recognized options that have developed in specific regions of the US.
I consciously decided a few years ago, and would encourage others to do the same, to do my part in encouraging a unique third person, plural pronoun - that of y'all.
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